Arhant Shresta, Grand Prix du Jury de la Photographie 7L 2024 : “Loose Fist”

These images bear witness to an exercise in reconciliation with fear.
At the end of 2023, my partner and I were victims of a violent homophobic attack perpetrated by a group of young men in my hometown of Kathmandu.
I developed a fear of men. The pain I endured as a result of this isolated incident led my brain to make a radical misjudgement: out of anxiety, I perceived an external danger coming from a group that, collectively, had nothing to do with the individuals who had assaulted me.

I want to find some kind of resolution to my pain. I don’t know the men who hurt me; they disappeared into the night. However, I understand that the heart of my conflict is internal: my anger confronted with my own powerlessness in the face of fear. My frustration with my own intellect, which, against all logic, insists on considering all men guilty of a crime in which they did not participate.

My goal with this project is to resolve this conflict, to find comfort and joy in my relationships with the men of this city that I love and appreciate.

Taking these photographs is a step forward. They highlight my relationship with men and masculinity, which ranges from acute discomfort to powerful desire. When I look at the men in my photographs, I see in them the faces and bodies of the men who have hurt me, and in their faces and bodies, I also begin to see myself.